Eat Caramel Sauce

There's a lovely store in the Old City Quarter that stocks nothing but British and European imports: cheeses, meats, cookies, looseleaf teas, and glass jars full of delectable havoc-for-your-health goodies that you'd gladly drain in one gluttonous sitting, even though it's hardly proper or good for your waistline.
It was the purveyor of these goods, an epicurean who can lull even the most devoted pinchpenny into a purchase simply by the burr of his Scottish brogue, who told my mother and I that we needed to try Bonne Maman's dulce de leche caramel spread.
Our lives were never the same. This is real caramel sauce...melt-in-your-mouth and eat-it-by-the-spoonful caramel sauce. We drizzled it over ice cream, on apples, and never have I heard such a symphony of finger and lip smacking at one sitting!

It struck me then, how much food is a part of our journey toward better stories. Food is intertwined with so many of the wonderful moments in our lives, the ones that we will forever remember and seek to recreate. Many relationships begin with food. Strange, I know, but think about it. The first time I realized something was "happening" with the man that is now my husband, was when he showed up spontaneously with a picnic lunch while I was rehearsing during the course of my music studies at university. And what is on the agenda for most first dates? Dinner. It's odd, really. Food is pretty much the last thing I'd want involved when I'm trying to make a good impression; I tend to goof up in the cleanliness department and have a knack for being a klutz. Nevertheless, the best of friendships are created, and the worst of differences are mended, over food.

Food is also inseparable from travel. We opt for all inclusives over a la carte dining at tropical resorts (we want lots of food, all the time!), and lose weight beforehand, not to fit into the itsy-bitsy bikini, but in anticipation of all that we will inevitably gain because we know we're going to eat like famished beasts! Italy, for example. Yes, we sigh over the churches and the frescoes and are entertained for hours by the dynamic, corporeal language where every word seems to be accompanied by a gesture. We'll eventually make a coffee table album of the pictures we took, and we'll forget a lot of the specifics regarding what we actually did each day, but we'll flip through that album on a rainy day and will smile at the reminder of all we saw. But we'll drool and roll our eyes in fits of ecstasy when we so much as think about the food. Red artisanal wine, fresh asiago and parmesan-reggiano, prosciutto and vine-ripened tomatoes. In France, it's wedge-folded crepes oozing with Emmental, made at a little stand in Paris's Rue d'Arcole, steaming hot comfort after a long and chilly Christmas Eve service in Notre Dame.  In the UK, roast beef and Yorkshire pudding on a rainy Sunday afternoon in a pub in the Cotswolds, with a tweed-clad farmer and his mucky sheep dog reclining on a rug before an antiquated stone fireplace. In Vienna, dense Sachertorte at the Hofzuckerbäker Demel, where the cake is so full of rich, dark cocoa that it appears nearly black but for the moist line of tart apricot preserve oozing out of the middle.
At some point, you come home and wonder why your pants don't fit. But it somehow doesn't matter!

Life frustrates me. Today, for example, things just weren't working for me. I feel like I am always waiting for something. I don't exactly know what it is, but I feel fairly confident I'll recognize it when it comes. But what about all the time in between? I'm so busy waiting for something to happen, or trying to make it happen, that I've got blinders on for nothing but and end up missing out on all this other great stuff.

Food is part of our journey toward better stories, not only because it is inseparable from everyday life and those key events within it, but because it reminds us to appreciate all the little things in life, to not skip over the days "in between" and to truly live for every single moment.
Instead of waiting for the day when something will happen, I'm trying to make something of every day.
Story isn't just the big stuff. Part of creating great story in our lives is appreciating that story comes from a variety of sources, and especially from our own efforts. We never remember every moment of a holiday, just like we never remember every moment in our lives. We remember key points, those oftentimes spontaneous and sometimes well-coordinated events that give us all the setting, character, plot and conflict we could ever need to create great story in our lives.

I don't think we should all stuff our faces with food in order to have great stories. Bad idea! We'd all have 10 sets of fat pants and cholesterol through the roof. But I think finding joy in each day is important in avoiding these emotional slums we find ourselves in when life doesn't go our way or live up to our inflated expectations. Sometimes appreciating the flavour of something, or the smell, the sight, the feel of it, reminds me that life is precious and that my story is what I make it.
So, when I was 17, I found myself in a pub near Stratford smelling a wet dog while I ate gravy-drowned (and delicious) Yorkshires. Great story! But I'm not in Europe anymore, so now what?

I hike up a mountain near my house, and look out over the harbour, where sea planes take off in the channels between the docks and the small islands just off shore, and where ferries churn up the water as their departing whistles echoe up into the hills behind me.
And, I eat caramel sauce.

From Static to Dynamic

I think, before we go any further, there should be some mention as to what on earth a great story actually is. For instance, a 6-year-old will inevitably say two completely disjointed and unrelated sentences make a great story.



I went to the zoo. I like hot dogs.

The end.



I suppose to the child it truly is a great story, and perhaps also to mom and dad who are tickled pink that their child can put words together in any sort of coherent manner, even if "like" is spelled "lyk" and hot dog has nothing to do with the zoo (although, perhaps the elephant ate a hot dog at the zoo, and then it's really just a case of obscured associations).  And seriously, kudos to any 6-year-old able to operate within the past tense! Still, while this cryptic version of story works for a child and tends to entertain, for adults (I am assuming, of course, that my readers are mostly adults) it falls short of a whole pie in that there is really no plot. Why have a slice when you can have it all?

In comes structure. What is the structure of story and how does it relate to a story's general degree of greatness? I think we can agree that a story that goes nowhere, with no interesting dips or peaks (or perhaps just gets to the dips and peaks too slowly for our stimulation-junkie brains) is a story we will most likely not follow beyond the first chapter. It is not interesting, it does not intrigue us. Maybe it is a good story at times, maybe it has a good message here and there, but it's nothing spectacular.
And believe me: we want spectacular!

Think of your story, your life, as an ECG. Story is best when there is action, and I don't necessarily mean Rambo look-at-my-rippling-muscles-as-I-kick-your-neck-off kind of action. I mean that there has to be a sense of momentum, a sense that the character (you) is working towards something, constantly being renewed and changed as he or she travels over high and low points in his or her life. There will be peaks: graduation from Kindergarten (and hopefully higher levels of education as well), first job with a parking spot and coffee service, marriage, kids (if you dare)...and there will be low spots too, which are equally as important as the highs. One must experience and overcome the bitter in life in order to fully appreciate the sweet!

Look at the plot line to your own story...if you are flatlining and generally feeling "blah" (I know, eloquent), it's time to look into spicing things up. What can you do to create those high points to punctuate that line? It could be as little as going for a walk as the leaves change this fall, or doing things on your schedule in reverse order, just for the heck of it. Maybe it's time for something more cataclysmic, like making a major career change, or getting out of a relationship that is going nowhere and threatening your sanity.

Take the initiative...power up the paddles and give your story a little zap. Embrace conflict, the vehicle which jumpstarts story and can usually be found lurking at the base of those sought-after peaks we desire to have in our stories. I'm not saying you should necessarily seek conflict. For instance, I wouldn't suggest going out and punching some guy in the face just because. You'll only end up getting your own nose broken in the end. I suppose it may precipitate a peak of excitement in your story, but a painful one too, which may leave some serious cosmetic side effects (think Owen Wilson...although I must admit it adds to his character and charm). In embracing conflict however, meaning, in not turning tail and running in the other direction, you may embrace competition in a positive way with your colleagues and rise to the top of your game in your career. Or, maybe you'll overcome your own fears and internal debates, trying something new and absolutely rocking it. Just don't spend your life avoiding conflict...It is the hard times that truly shape us and allow us to prove to ourselves our true mettle. Embrace conflict as a means to a better end...ok, that sounds as if I am condoning violence, which I do not! But if you find yourself in a moment of conflict, learn to work through it, find creative solutions instead of walking in other directions. The rewards to your story will be monumental.

So what is great story? It depends on the individual, really, but I think it is safe to say that great story is the product of creative thinking, variety, and guts. A little out-of-the-comfort-zone and out-of-the-box thinking may be just what you need to make your story go from seriously static deliciously dynamic. Throw in some guts, try something new, and be open to change. You may just like what you see!

Life is a Story

Story /ˈstɔri, ˈstoʊri/
–noun (pl. -ries)
1. an account of real or imaginary people or events told for entertainment.
2. a plot or story line.
3. an account of past events in someone's life or in the evolution of something.


When I was 17, I had story. Everything was ahead of me - university, marriage, kids, career - and all the horribly exhaustive teenage drama and insecurity was slowly fading. 
I had always dreamed big. It was never "university" I was going to, but Oxford or Cambridge. It was never a general arts or science degree, but medicine. And, when the time came to choose my first location to live, it wasn't in my hometown or even in my own country, but in Europe.

The castle in my town

I'd always told myself that I'd live in Europe one day, and people thought I was nuts. They inadvertently deflated my dream by being realistic (funny how realism so closely borders pessimism) and focussing on the cost. I, of course, knew my parents could never afford to send me on such a sojourn (whose could?), but that didn't stop me.
I worked two jobs in my final year of high school, and with some gifts here and there from family I saved enough to fly myself to Germany and lived there for 6 months. To this day, I am friends with wonderful people from Germany and it adds a wonderful colour to my life.


After Germany, my story began to change...I tried for a scholarship to Oxford, and while I was bright, I wasn't that bright, apparently. And I tried for medicine...but I couldn't even proceed with the prerequisite science degree. After smooth sailing, I hit conflict. While in Germany I developed an autoimmune condition called Lupus, and suddenly everything that had once been easy for me was near impossible.


Now I am 28, and I've hit a wall. That's not to say I haven't done anything with my life...in fact, after the pain and frustration of my late teens, I went on to complete two honours degrees - one a Bachelor of Music in voice, and one a Bachelor of Education. I met a wonderful boy, and we've now been married for four years. But I am nowhere I ever thought I would be. It feels like someone managed to get their grubby fingers on the story of my life, and smudged some of the words and tore out some pages, leaving me swimming in a giant word cloud with no direction.


I think many people feel this way...we spend so much time learning and building for the "future" (adulthood), and then we arrive and say "what next?" I suddenly found myself the working 8am-4pm professional (ok, try 7am-10pm, because being a teacher never ends, and neither does the marking), and I didn't like it. I had no passion, no joy. And then I'd had enough.

It must be said, however, that story is also:
4. a lie or fabrication.


Not that I'm impling we should all go out there and tell a bunch of lies about who we are and where we come from, what we've done...
But in a way, fabrication is a good thing. Fabrication is dreaming. I truly believe that, if you dream it, it can come true. There's no guarantee...just because I dream of being Yogi Bear doesn't mean I'm going to suddenly become Yogi Bear! But, by dreaming it I am aware of it, and I watch out for opportunities that will get me closer to that dream. Who knows! Maybe one day I'll look in the paper and discover an add for a summer job that would involve impersonating Yogi Bear at a local wildlife interpretive centre. It's entirely possible, but to make it possible you have to actually imagine it happening. 
Visualizing how you want your life is a powerful way of making it just how you want it to be.


So. I started fabricating. I started dreaming again. And there's always someone trying to keep my feet on the ground, which isn't entirely a bad thing. I discovered that, while my life isn't exactly as I hoped it would be at this point, I could still find joy all around me. I began to tap once again into my passions, and I began to find story everywhere. 
Life is just a series of stories...each of us has one large overarching story, but within that are many, many smaller stories, with different characters, conflicts, high points and low points. 
I think the first step to getting to this point was that I bought a camera, a decent digital XLR that suddenly had me looking at everything. I started to see beauty, and feel beauty. It inspired me to find beauty in my life and to live a great story.




This blog is the culmination of all the above...it is the story of my attempt to write a better story for my life, a sort of effigy to life in general. Even when my direction is obscurred, all I have to do is go outside, or sit with a friend, eat something really tasty or sing some Bach, and my life is colourful and filled with joy. 


And that is living a great story.